Report: Beck Working Closely With Geometry Department to Discover More Direct Paths Toward the End Zone. Will it be Enough to Beat Rutgers?

After holding the defending National Champions to six points in regulation last Saturday, the Wolverines still found a way to lose. Reports from Ann Arbor this week claim that the struggle to get into the end zone has led Jason Beck, Michigan’s Offensive Coordinator, to search for revolutionary ways to move the ball toward the goal line, and perhaps even cross it.

Beck's alleged partnership with U of M researchers remains somewhat secretive, but reports say he’s been attending office hours with the Geometry Department. His previous game plans of moving sideways, and occasionally backward, while creative and cute, have failed to move the ball towards the goal line and produce points. People close to the matter, however, say moving forward is still in the experimental phase and not to expect much in the upcoming matchup versus Rutgers.

Rutgers is 2-5 after a 42-14 loss to Northwestern. The Scarlet Knights surrendered 283 rushing yards and four sacks. This should be a wonderful matchup for Michigan. Then again, Michigan's offense has occasionally made a first-and-goal look like a four-dimensional chess puzzle designed by an angry quantum science engineering professor general, whatever that is. Here are the keys to winning this week.

Key #1: Move Forward

The team, offense, offensive line, ball carriers, and most importantly the ball have to move forward this week if Michigan is to win.

Reports from one geometry professor, who wished to remain anonymous, are that after drawing two dots on a board: one representing the ball and another the goal line, and connecting them with a straight line, Beck raised the question.

"Should we go twelve yards sideways first?"

Although the professor admitted that the outlook is not promising for Beck to grasp these complex mathematical concepts, he said he expects to see improvement this week and further down the road.

Key #2: Negative Yards Don’t Keep the Defense Honest

The Indiana game offered perhaps the finest exhibit yet in Michigan's display of backwards progress.

Third-and-goal from the 1-yard line. One yard from a touchdown. Michigan called play-action, and Tommy Carr rolled out and got sacked before being able to attempt a throw to the wide-open Rhino offensive lineman. The ensuing field-goal attempt missed.

While some might speculate that Jason Beck called the play possibly to feed his ego, and perhaps defend the Rhino package he had come under criticism for overusing earlier in the season, we don’t believe that here at Victors Digest. We refuse to believe that he wouldn’t just hand it off to his best running back and team captain, Jordan Marshall, because he believes in calling cool plays to make himself look good versus letting his players get 1 yard and win the game. We are sure that he was just trying to keep the defense honest, even though the results just kept the defense well-paid.

Key #3: Give the Defense’s Shoulders a Day Off From Carrying The Team

Michigan's defense has been the responsible adult in a household where the offense keeps coming home drunk and running the car into the garage door.

Against Indiana, the Wolverines forced an interception, got 13 tackles from Chris Bracy, and kept the game within reach all afternoon. The defense is amazing. It shouldn't need to hold every opponent to a single-digit score just to give the team a fighting chance.

Rutgers may make life easier. Its pass protection faltered against Northwestern, and Michigan's front should create another uncomfortable afternoon for the Scarlet Knights. Rutgers does have a dangerous runner in Antwan Raymond, however, who rushed for 150 yards against Northwestern. The Wolverines should not confuse a struggling opponent with a harmless one.

The offensive should be able to sustain drives and score touchdowns against Rutgers. Perhaps they can possess the ball long enough for the defense to drink some water. Maybe even sit down.

The Final Call

Michigan enters Saturday at 4-3 and 1-3 in Big Ten play. Rutgers is 2-5 and has a pretty bad run defense. This is an opportunity for both sides of the ball to have a good day.

The question is whether Beck can resist turning a straightforward advantage into another elaborate geography lesson.

Run downhill. Protect Carr. Finish in the red zone. Don't send a ball carrier halfway to Coney Island in search of two yards. Let the defense attack without making it responsible for the entire scoreboard.

I expect Michigan's defense to control the afternoon and the offense to finally discover that moving toward the opponent's end zone is more efficient than moving parallel to it.

The geometry department can collect its honorary game ball afterward. As some smart person once said, the math don’t lie.

Prediction: Michigan 34, Rutgers 3. GO BLUE!!