Report: Morale Low In Bloomington After Players Forced to Eat “Cignetti Spaghetti”

BLOOMINGTON, IN — Conditions inside the Indiana football program have reportedly deteriorated after their head coach began requiring players to eat his homemade "Cignetti Spaghetti."

Anonymous reports claim the team was forced to eat the coach's recipe, which consisted of overcooked noodles and a sauce that some players described as smelling “fermented”, every day after practice this week.

Naturally, morale has collapsed.

"We signed up for film study, hard work, and preparation.” said one player while staring quietly into a bowl. "Nobody said anything about this."

Concerns escalated considerably after several players allegedly witnessed Cignetti cutting his spaghetti noodles with a knife before eating them.

One shaken player reportedly whispered, "Is he even Italian?"

School officials have said they are looking into the matter to see if any violations of University, Big Ten, or NCAA policy have occurred.

The sauce has been especially concerning. Sources describe it as watery, under-seasoned, and possessing "no detectable relationship with garlic."

Nutrition staff reportedly attempted to intervene but were told that Cignetti's recipe had been "in the family for years," a statement that only raised additional questions including whether it was actually the same sauce that had been used for years.

The coach's other culinary creations have also come under scrutiny.

Several players insist the spaghetti isn't even the worst item on the menu.

That distinction belongs to Curt's Calzone, an enclosed dough product reportedly containing just tomato sauce and pork tenderloin.

At press time, Cignetti was reportedly preparing Wednesday's team dinner wearing an apron that said “Hoosier favorite chef”.