Nittany Lion Overheard Saying He Doesn't Like Grilled Stickies, Would Rather Work in Detroit

STATE COLLEGE, PA — In what university officials are describing as the most troubling, well second most troubling, scandal in the school’s history, the Penn State mascot has reportedly admitted that he doesn't particularly care for grilled stickies and dreams of someday going pro in Detroit.

The shocking confession allegedly occurred during an otherwise pleasant conversation about breakfast pastries, when the beloved mascot casually remarked, "They're a little too sticky for me. Honestly, I’d prefer a Coney Dog for breakfast."

Witnesses report that the room fell silent. One elderly alumnus dropped his commemorative Penn State coffee mug. Another quietly folded his napkin and left without saying goodbye, the most egregious etiquette violation a Central Pennsylvanian can make.

"You simply cannot say something like that while wearing the uniform," explained one visibly shaken university employee. "We have traditions. We have standards. We have wet naps."

The revelation has raised uncomfortable questions about the mascot's commitment to Penn State culture. Sources claim the Nittany Lion has also been observed declining second helpings at university functions, failing to compliment homemade potato salad, and once responding "I'm good, thanks" when offered a perfectly reasonable cup of coffee.

University administrators have reportedly scheduled an emergency meeting to discuss the matter, although several attendees have requested that mascots not be allowed to peruse the potluck table to avoid further confrontation.

Meanwhile, Michigan fans have responded with measured concern.

"Detroit is a wonderful city," said one Wolverines supporter. "But we do have expectations. If somebody offers you a coney dog, you say thank you. You don't announce that you'd prefer a salad."

At press time, the Nittany Lion was reportedly spotted watching film of Detroit Lions mascot Roary, while showing visible frustration attempting to remove sticky residue from his paws with a paper towel.

University officials have declined to comment on whether the mascot will be required to attend remedial training.

One thing, however, remains certain: There are some things a lion simply should not say out loud.

Especially at breakfast.